December twelfth

Twelve-twelve-twelve was once a big date in my life: it was the due date for my third pregnancy. But after a miscarriage in May where we lost our baby, Elliott, I was no longer due on December 12th, 2012. Instead I was halfway through my fourth pregnancy with this beautiful little girl.

I try wrapping my head around the fact that had we not lost Elliott, we wouldn't have Anna. I cannot put words to it. Both are my babies, but, in my story, I could not hold each of them. God gave me Anna to hold, and I am so grateful. Her silly squeals, grunts, and giggles bring so much joy to this home.

The Sunday following my miscarriage, we sang the Matt Redman song Blessed Be Your Name. I couldn't sing it through the tears that wouldn't stop flowing: You give and take away. You give and take away. My heart will chose to say, Lord, blessed be your name.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.