fruit tree to hot mess

It's as if I have this tree full of ripe fruit, but there are no fruit salads or jams or desserts unless I make the time to harvest the fruit and spend some time in the kitchen cutting and pureeing and baking. Likewise, I haven't posted my thoughts here in a long while. I have a lot of scrambled thoughts floating in my head, but I fail to make the time to gather them into words and arrange them into sentences and paragraphs. (That analogy is not supposed to be deep (or good). Hopefully it even shows my inability to do what I just said: gather my thoughts into (coherent) words and sentences. =)

I also struggle to make the time to call back my friends, read a book to Heidi, color with Lydia, talk to Aaron, and the list goes on. I'm also responsible to feed and clothe four other people, so I feel like I'm floundering more often than not.

I don't wish life to be a race. I like the slow and intentional and thoughtful route. Or I at least like the idea of it. It seems I'm not so capable of living it.

I'm still adjusting and learning how to be a mama to three instead of two, so I need to allow room for grace.

Four years ago, I frequented the living room and kitchen of my dear friend as she parented two boys (ages 2 and 3 (almost 4) at the time) while pregnant and then bringing home her baby girl. I loved being in her home and experiencing a mother in action, living out the gospel and grace among temper tantrums, refused naps, unfolded laundry, rejected meals, and squabbling siblings. In the midst of all that, she intentionally loved me and invested in me. Just recently I realized that I am now where she was four years ago. I texted her to tell her so and to remind her how much I appreciated that season (and still appreciate her).

Now, four years later, I hope and pray I am living out the gospel and grace among temper tantrums, refused naps, unfolded laundry, rejected meals, and squabbling siblings. I want to make the time to invite others into my life and to invest in theirs even if I feel completely incompetent to do so. God works through the beautiful (and ugly) chaos of my mothering even when I am completely unaware of what he is doing.

I pray he also gives my children grace to forgive my messy mothering in this season (and now into forever). Once again, I'm thankful for forgiveness and grace given through Jesus's death on the cross and resurrection. I'd really be a hot mess (more so than I am now) without it.

Here we are sweaty and without naps after helping my brother move to take the free tour at Hershey's Chocolate World, the "sweetest place on Earth." Hot mess in a picture. =)

(There was a free chocolate bar at the end, so if you still aren't seeing the hot mess, just picture chocolate toddler fingers and faces.)


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Whoops somehow my comment left! A beautiful hot mess! Love your thoughts...thanks for sharing

  3. Where would we be without forgiveness. Thankful for the grace you have shown me throughout the years.


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