you give and take away

Sometime in June, I was enjoying my weekly conversation with one of my favorite people ever, and as she was speaking, I could've finished her sentence.

"Why did he [the Lord] give this to me if he was just going to take it away?"

I don't even think she had finished speaking the question before the tears flooded my eyes. I, probably somewhat loudly, exclaimed, "Yes! Ah! Yes! I know exactly what you mean! And it's so hard!"

I haven't said anything on the blog about our baby since sharing of our loss three months ago, but I've been writing and thinking and talking with others about the journey.

The Sunday after I miscarried, in church we sang one of those praise songs from the 90s or early 2000s, "Blessed Be Your Name." When we came to the bridge, "You give and take away," I could not find the words to sing along. Tears started flowing, and I probably would have just ugly cried if not for my trying to somewhat keep it together for the sake of the incredibly wiggly toddler in my arms.

Now, three months later, as I run around with my girls, playing and running errands, I notice all of the pregnant bellies swelling in this crazy summer heat. I would be 23 weeks pregnant, and sometimes it is hard to realize that I am not already halfway through my third pregnancy. I know that the Lord is doing something in all of this, but that doesn't mean all those doubts and questions stay silent and quiet.

Thankful for all of you out there who love me where I'm at and sing the truth of the gospel into my life, despite all of my messiness.

Speaking of messiness . . . 

I love her.


  1. You continue to be in our prayers.

  2. Still here with you, friend. Glad God gives us others to walk through life with...


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